Relationships with in-laws are often a subject of tension as a couple, especially for newlyweds, who build their own homes and gradually become less dependent on their parents.
For in-laws, the process of feeling that their children distance themselves (emotionally or physically) from them can be painful. Therefore, it is essential to be understanding and try to smooth the rough edges, as well as being willing to strengthen the family bond for the good of all.
You can never improve your relationship with your in-laws by responding to criticism in a negative way or reacting aggressively.
Even if the relationship with your partner’s parents is good, it is important that you set limits. Talk to your partner so that your in-laws notify you before going to visit; It is also good that they plan short visits and regular phone calls.
Being part of a new family requires a certain adaptation. You should dedicate time and attention to them, and although there may be habits or beliefs in your in-laws that you disagree with, it is essential that you always act with respect so that harmony reigns in the couple.
Talk to your spouse and then to your in-laws
If you don’t like the way your in-laws treat you or are bothered by their meddling in relationship matters, talk to your spouse first, and then talk to their parents together.
Evaluate first the positives and negatives of asking your in-laws to change their behavior and then, if they decide to do so, be tactful.
If you are able to converse with your partner’s parents in a serene, fair and understanding way, surely next time they will be more careful and the relationship will improve.
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Don’t react aggressively
It is very common for mothers-in-law to want to give their opinion and give advice on matters of the house or the education of their children. In these cases, many times the woman feels judged or criticized despite the fact that this is almost never the goal of the mother-in-law.
Shift your mother-in-law’s focus
A good way to prevent your mother-in-law from criticizing or meddling in everything is not to give her authority over your mood or decision-making at home. To do this, he respectfully appreciates their advice and quickly changes the subject. Thus, little by little he will understand that, although you listen to his opinion, you have your own way of doing things.
If you get along with your mother-in-law or know her tastes, steer the conversation to a topic that she is passionate about. For example: “I had forgotten to tell you, I have seen some beautiful flowers on the Internet, I think they are ideal for your garden, I will show you.”
Psychologists recommend indifference when the situation involves deliberate hurtful comments .
You don’t need to suffer
Every family is a world, although that does not mean that you should neglect your integrity in the name of love.
If you think you are being treated unfairly or openly humiliated, talk to your partner. You can ask him to defend you. If he answers that he will not intervene, warn him that next time you will respond to the attack.
If this doesn’t work, talk to your partner again and tell him / her that while you understand that his / her family is very important to him / her, you will no longer participate in family gatherings .
Be flexible while still being you
It is essential to be flexible, show understanding and decide together what can be done to improve your relationship with your in-laws. They can, for example, make an arrangement for your partner to visit their parents frequently and you only occasionally.
The important thing is that you make sure that your in-laws do not feel rejected and that you feel comfortable accompanying your spouse from time to time.
Over time, and by adopting these tips, the relationship will naturally improve.